Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
