I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize