1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
