I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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