Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Randomize
