i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
