sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
