My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
