just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize