official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
