How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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