Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
