It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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