i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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