Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize