you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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