I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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