OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
