Already got asked if we're dating
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
