Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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