Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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