ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
