Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
