i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
