Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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