Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
