i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
