was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
