Sponge bath it is.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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