Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize