Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
