kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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