Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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