Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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