actually, I'm a sock model
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I came so hard my ears popped.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
