Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
