Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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