Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
