I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
