the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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