this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
