But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize