apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
