Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
