Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
