The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
