Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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