I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
