Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
