I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
