I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize