I want to make a zoo with you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
