fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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