now i know why i became what i already was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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