Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
