I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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