then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
