I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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