you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
