got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
