a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
