i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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