see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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