well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
