i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
