i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
