Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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