He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
