White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
