His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
